With Jon and Kate in the news regarding both of their supposed affairs and the Governor of South Carolina’s admitted year long affair, it has me thinking about fidelity or rather infidelity. How big of a deal is it?  Is the concept of fidelity outdated in our modern world?  I’m not sure.

I was at the pool the other day with my kids and was chatting with my friends husband regarding a mutual couple we know who are divorcing. The husband had a “little something” going on with another woman years ago and the wife stayed. Now he has a “little something” going on again with an old flame and the wife is done. They’ve been married for years, with a son and are calling it quits. My friend’s husband thought it was much ado about nothing. He said he thought a “little something” was no reason to give up on a marriage. Interesting. I guess I wasn’t surprised by his response. He’s not a macho man having affairs on his wife and therefore looking to excuse his behavior. His attitude is fidelity is not a big enough issue to end a marriage. On either side. Hmm.

The next day at the pool I met up with another friend who is a close friend of the wife with the cheating husband. She knew the scoop. She admitted that the wife hasn’t been a very good wife, very involved with the kids and not the husband. But she was quick to point out that even though Kate is a bitch, it didn’t give Jon the right to have his affair. The same scenario as the couple we know. Hmm. So what does a wife or husband do if they are married to someone who can’t or won’t give them what they need? With the stakes of divorce so high both financially as well as the emotional well being of the family, is divorce over sex worth it? I’m not sure.

I love my husband. A lot. I know he loves me. But I’m not above thinking it could happen. Is it my age? We got married later in life. Is it my past? I’ve been cheated on in the past. Is it his past? He’s gotten around if you know what I mean. I’m not sure. I don’t like thinking it would happen. I wouldn’t be as blasé as my friends husband if it did. But I’m not sure that I would be kicking him to the curb as they say.

We all know that married couples are unfaithful. Rich, poor, young old, beautiful or ugly. Infidelity reaches into all aspects of life. Regardless of socioeconomic status, racial status, religious status, or sexual preference. It happens. Is sex worthy of ending a marriage? I understand it’s the betrayal for most people that’s the kicker. If we didn’t have the expectation of fidelity would we not be in the position to betray? Might the goal be for openness instead of a line in the sand? I’m not sure.

Why is it that some of us are more forgiving in terms of fidelity? Why is it that in other countries they view fidelity very differently than we do? Are they simply more progressive than we are in the US? Are they simply more crass? Is it an ideal to strive for or an absolute deal breaker? I’m not sure.